Safe & Sound

Wowwie!  It's been a long time.  I don't even know where to begin or if people will still even remember our little miracle Benzen Boy.  Benzen turned one May 1st.  He has been getting a lot of great news lately.  Most recently we thought he was going to have to start wearing glasses.  The eye doctor said we can hold off for at least another year.  His hearing is still in the normal range.  He is allergic to Milk but that doesn't stop him from slamming some delicious almond milk.  He is getting closer and closer to walking everyday.  He has taken a couple of steps on his own.  He works extremely hard every week at his therapy appointments.  Amy fills me in after every one, mostly that he crawls around and visits his friends at therapy.  He truly is the happiest most giggly little boy in the world.  The therapist has a tough time working with him because everytime she touches him he starts to belly laugh.  He is a tough little boy.  Sometimes I don't think he feels pain.  He's taken some major spills and just shrugs them off or laughs.  I am truly humbled by what God has blessed us with.
He and Beyla are best friends and get along great.  It is so fun just to sit back and watch them play together.  Or listen to Beyla yell from the other room "daddy he is using his right hand!, daddy he's trying to walk!, daddy he is using his fork the right way!"  Things a little girl should not be worried about but it's adorable.
Every milestone, large or small, I am taken back to what they tried to prepare us for what Benzen would be.  "He will NEVER be a typical boy."  "It will take a miracle for him to walk or speak correctly, oh and by the way research shows that most CMV babies lose their hearing before age 7."  I think they told us that just to challenge us.  Guess what...it worked.  We are certainly not out of the woods and some things are out of our control.  But Boy O Boy Benzen boy is a miracle!  He is a true inspiration.  He does not know his challenges, his limitations, or "handicaps".  And you know what?  Even if he did, I don't think he would care.  He has a certain determination in his eyes when he pulls himself from crawling to standing, when he feeds himself, or even trying to turn the pages of a book. 
So here we go.  Our most recent set back.  He has to have surgery tomorrow for his undescended testicle.  Another easy/common surgery that has Amy and I beyond worried.  We chose to have it done at St. V's not Toledo because it would have been too hard to have the surgery done where our daughter Remington had surgery and eventually passed away (and it would have been done by the same group of surgeons, mind you).  We have to do what's best for Benzen and we feel comfortable with the surgeon we have chosen.  You can't even imagine the flashbacks I am having.  Or the feeling of deja vu.  I know it has to be done but it's still very scary. 
The pictures above are both interesting to me because to me in both cases I feel like Benzen is in control.  When he was first born I could feel him saying "Ok dad, we've gotten this far...What's next?  What ever it is I can handle it, WE can handle it together."  Then tonight before we put him down for bed.  I wanted to recreate that left image 1 year later.  He grabbed me by the cheeks and I could feel it again.  "Dad, trust me.  Look at what we have overcome so far.  This is nothing more than that.  WE got this.  Have I let you down yet?" Then you walk into his dark room with him, start to sing twinkle twinkle, he drops his head on your shoulder, tucks his arms in, and starts snoring.
So, say an extra prayer for Benzen boy tonight.  Also, say a prayer for strength for Amy and I.  It's all in God's hands and we trust him.